Hello to all that are congregated here at this moment, reading this drivel of mine because you have nothing better to do. I must announce with great joy that I AM OFFICIALLY NO LONGER WORTH ANYONE'S TIME!
Exhibit A
As dumb as it sounds, the value of time actually appreciates over time. What I mean is that at a certain point even the most mentally challenged of our society must accept that the amount of time given to each human being is finite, and that the sweet release of death is drawing near. That’s when time becomes a scarce resource. You’re rationing this uniquely limited element over various priorities such as, but not limited to: getting that bag, punching drywall, and watching anime.
That’s the whole reason behind why nobody wants to hang out with me anymore. My existence is no longer important enough to justify hanging out. I’ve recently moved to a new city where I barely know anyone, and everyone I ask to hang out is rejecting me with a deluge of valid excuses, all of which are meticulously constructed polite sayings to tell me that their life is already full, and there’s no space for lil’ ol’ me. I ran away from Hinge to avoid getting ghosted by hot women and rejected by everyone else. Now I’m getting Hinged on in real life by people I know.
OK FUCKERS I SEE HOW IT IS
I’M NEVER GOING TO BE FRIENDS WITH ANY OF YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU
Nah I’m just kidding. I’d settle for anyone at this point, as long as your pronouns are breathing/alive. Or I’ll settle for inference/AI. I’ll build up a bot farm to host AI friends so they can text me at various times during the day to ask me how my day is.
Despite this, I need not despair. Jesus is my friend.
I have something to confess. I am actually a kissless virgin. In every sense of the phrase. I’ve never kissed a girl before, and I’ve never had sex either. When I was a college student, the topic of body count came up sometimes. Those who heard of my virginity assumed I was saving it for marriage, and said some dumb shit they didn’t mean like “respect, bro, respect.” and gave me a fistbump. Then they’d talk to me for 5 minutes and realize there were other factors at hand. An apt comparison to my virginity is a line of cheap Chinese toys that stayed on the shelves for too long and ended up 6 feet under a landfill in Alabama. I wasn’t peddling my first time to random passerby on the street by any means, but nobody was asking for it either.
Virginity is a seal of exclusivity, and for the people that care about it, it acts as a value multiplier rather than a value add. Nobody’s going “He’s a virgin. So hot!” They’re saying “He’s so hot. And a virgin too, isn’t that cute?” This is especially true for guys. There are men with insane sex fantasies drooling at the thought of taking a woman’s first time, but most women do not care if you still have your v-card. It might even count against you in the interview process, increasing proportionally with age. Just like how you might excuse a college grad but not a 40-year old for not having any work experience when showing up a job interview, not having lost your virginity becomes more and more perplexing with age. Most people will avoid thinking too much about this complicated question of “how could you still possibly be a virgin?”, and instead default to “there’s probably something wrong with him,” effectively removing you from the gene pool.
My ancestors would probably be surprised to find that one of their descendants was not able to propagate their genetics — Not due to war, famine, a second ice age, but due to severe undesirability and a penchant for developing custom-made AI girlfriends. That last part is a joke, ladies. I DO NOT have a folder on my desktop named my_waifu_harem_cave. DM me if you think I’m funny and hot.
