sugarrush-77

I have something to confess. I am actually a kissless virgin. In every sense of the phrase. I’ve never kissed a girl before, and I’ve never had sex either. When I was a college student, the topic of body count came up sometimes. Those who heard of my virginity assumed I was saving it for marriage, and said some dumb shit they didn’t mean like “respect, bro, respect.” and gave me a fistbump. Then they’d talk to me for 5 minutes and realize there were other factors at hand. An apt comparison to my virginity is a line of cheap Chinese toys that stayed on the shelves for too long and ended up 6 feet under a landfill in Alabama. I wasn’t peddling my first time to random passerby on the street by any means, but nobody was asking for it either.

Virginity is a seal of exclusivity, and for the people that care about it, it acts as a value multiplier rather than a value add. Nobody’s going “He’s a virgin. So hot!” They’re saying “He’s so hot. And a virgin too, isn’t that cute?” This is especially true for guys. There are men with insane sex fantasies drooling at the thought of taking a woman’s first time, but most women do not care if you still have your v-card. It might even count against you in the interview process, increasing proportionally with age. Just like how you might excuse a college grad but not a 40-year old for not having any work experience when showing up a job interview, not having lost your virginity becomes more and more perplexing with age. Most people will avoid thinking too much about this complicated question of “how could you still possibly be a virgin?”, and instead default to “there’s probably something wrong with him,” effectively removing you from the gene pool.

My ancestors would probably be surprised to find that one of their descendants was not able to propagate their genetics — Not due to war, famine, a second ice age, but due to severe undesirability and a penchant for developing custom-made AI girlfriends. That last part is a joke, ladies. I DO NOT have a folder on my desktop named my_waifu_harem_cave. DM me if you think I’m funny and hot.