sugarrush-77

I pissed my pants in broad daylight during 5th grade summer camp.

I left the cafeteria trying to find an open bathroom with a little bit of spring in my step, an advanced form of the potty dance. We were out in the woods, and it was the weekend, so most buildings were locked. Peeing in the woods was not an option in my mind. I needed a urinal.

I tried building after building, rattling the locked doors in increased desperation. I even encountered a camp instructor at one point who didn't understand the gravity of the situation. My bladder was about to burst, and I needed somewhere to release. She just shrugged her shoulders at me, said, “Everything's locked”, then walked away.

My willpower remained strong, but my bladder eventually buckled under the pressure, and I started to piss my pants. Being the idiot that I was, it had never occurred to me that we were in the woods and I could piss anywhere I pleased. I stood there for a traumatic, but cathartic minute minute while apple juice soaked my black shorts and trickled down my legs. After I relieved myself, I walked back to the cafeteria a shell of my former self. I wondered how I could possibly hide for 8 more hours – I couldn't get to the cabins and change clothes until the end of the day.

I played it cool. Nobody was observant enough to notice that whenever I got up from a seat, there was liquid residue remaining on the seat afterwards. I let my pants dry out through the day, and by the end, it was as if nothing had ever happened. I don't even know how nobody noticed. My classmates were not nice enough to have intentionally turned a blind eye.

The fact that I have a small bladder has not changed much into adulthood. Now instead of pissing in my pants, I lay in bed naked and piss up into the air. If I piss for long enough, my room starts to fill up to the point where piss starts to cover my body. The water level crawls up my body, closes over my face, and eventually my nose. Then my gills open up and I begin to breathe in the piss. My room is a swamp, and I am a catfish, waiting in the waters for a snack to pass by. Yum.