The world burns
Some days when I am sleep deprived and lonely, I just want to see the world burn, and on those days, my mind goes into dark, but also weird places.
Some symptoms are
When i see despair in someone’s eyes i feel extreme happiness
I visualize a violent death for myself and feel the same extreme happiness
I would say though that typically the dark thoughts I have are directed inward instead of outward. I usually have no desire to harm others. But I do sometimes visualize myself on a strange operating table, bound by thick metal wires, and the flesh on my limbs spread apart in half with a straight cut down the middle to expose bone. The happiness I feel is even stranger, a frenetic happiness that causes deranged laughs to escape from my lips. It’s a combination of feeling stimmed and despairing at my life and hating everything that I am. And because I feel pain and feel isolated from others, I wish the others could be just as unhappy as me and know me through that. So this culminates in a wish for the world to burn, along with an exciting, violent end to my existence.