sugarrush-77

I feel #0fddfc today.

One of my coworkers walked by my desk today when he was leaving work and fished a Taiwanese pineapple cake out of his coat pocket. I asked him if he was trying to poison me, and he said, “No, I’m just handing cute little pineapple cakes to cute boys.” He must have either misspoke, or said what was really on his mind, because he got a little flustered after saying that and said, “No, wait, what did I just say…” By the way, this guy has a girlfriend.

But it’s not even like gay guys like me. I only have this effect on straight men. I remember being in the Korean military, and the boys were saying that they’d completely defile my body if I was a woman. They would wrestle me down, and smell me. Apparently, my skin naturally excretes a nice smell that attracts males. So am I a straight twink?

[What I look like to straight men]

I have a sacrilegious theory about the sex I was born with. My mom married into an intensely Buddhist family, and Buddhism in Korea is tightly coupled with ancestor worship. So, when she refused to bow at the ancestor worship altar, and refused to partake in their rituals, the old curmudgeons on my dad’s side went all apeshit, pissing their pants, punching the air, all the bullshit. But another thing about old Korean curmudgeons is that they love grandsons, because of that whole Asian cultural thing where the son is the most important, yada yada yada. All the other moms in the extended family had like 2 daughters before they could arrive at a son. My mom had a son immediately. I wonder if I was supposed to be born a woman, but God was like, fuck these guys, and swapped my chromosomes at the last moment.

That would explain the whole twink thing, and why a bunch of straight men are currently begging at my door to get a whiff of my bare, naked skin. Saying stuff like “It makes me feel alive again,” and “I can’t live without this anymore.” I could charge them five bucks a lick, but then that would be borderline prostitution, and I don’t mind it, so I let them have at it. It makes me happy too. I’m glad that my existence has some use, at least.